Rin's Life in Print

I feel kinda like I'm going nowhere. I am enjoying my jobs - and the days when I'm not so thrilled about something I have to do at them, I remind myself how much better it is than a desk job. I am not really MEing anymore, other than TW, and I'm feeling kind of like I should be - but I'm not really trying very hard to get those jobs again. I'm also trying to figure out where I'm heading, how I go 'up' in this business.

I have a strong desire to move. I've had it for years, but I haven't followed up on it. Part of me wishes that I had just done it years ago, sold my car and moved to NYC or somewhere on the east coast. Now, it becomes more difficult with Jim because I have to think about him and jobs too. He keeps saying he'd be willing to move, but I'm not sure if push came to shove he really would want to. He loves his job (most days) and without a guarantee of something better or equal to switch to, I would feel a lot of guilt for taking him away from it. It amazing how much more complicated things get when you have to think about other people too! But either way, I keep having stronger and stronger feelings that I really want to move away (at least for a little while) and that I really should just do it.

Who knows what I'm really going to do, but I feel in limbo right now and I'm not sure which way I'm headed.

What have I been up to? The quick answer is running a show, and being a couch potato.

With more details, I have spent far too much time watching "Battlestar Gallatica" which a co-worker kindly lent me, but I wasn't anticipating being as engrossed as I am, and in two weeks, I've almost made it through two full seasons. Luckily for me, my friend has all four seasons on DVD so I don't have to suffer through cliff-hanger season finales.

I'm still running American Idiot. 6 more weeks to go. Or 48 more performances. Or 4 more paychecks...
Or 6 more weeks left to finish Battlestar Gallatica. I currently have nothing lined up for after the show closes, but it's too early to worry.

I've started biking to BART and back when I can (as in, when I'm not rushing from another job to get to Berkeley in time) and I'm feeling pretty good. It's a 1/2hr flat commute, so it's perfect exercise my out-of-shape self and it gets the heart rate up for a good length of time. I just bought some lights and a kickstand for the bike, the next purchase will be a more comfortable saddle, 'cause...ouch. The only downside to riding my bike from BART at 11pm at night is that by the time I reach my house, I'm really energetic and pumped up and it's very hard to then collapse into bed. But that's what DVDs are for, right? And I just happen to have that covered...

I applied for American Citizenship a month or so ago (Thanks to W&H) and had to go in to get fingerprinted on Tuesday. That was painless; I was in and out of the building in less than ten minutes, and I ended up leaving even before my scheduled appointment time. I was fearing it was going to be like a trip to the DMV and I kept my entire morning available for it. Anyway, I now have an information booklet of 100 facts about the USA, which is really about the US Government. I will be asked 10 of these 100 facts and I have to get at least 6 right to pass the test. I haven't done any studying yet, but after flipping through the booklet I'm all material I studied and promptly forgot in high school political science (a class I did NOT enjoy) and now I have to re-learn it all. I'll have to dig up my proverbial thinking cap and get crackin' soon. I have no idea when this test is.

I hadn't realized how 'old' I'd been feeling until I started "American Idiot". It had been so long since I'd been out drinking after a show on a regular basis and hanging out in bars as a form of entertainment that I'd forgotten just how much fun it can be with the right people. And, on this show, that's what I've been doing.

It's making me feel less serious about life, and just enjoying the moment and the little things, and I'm just so happy at the moment.

I had trouble sleeping last night because the entire show of "American Idiot" was running through my head. Sadly, I'm sensing this may be the case for the next 12 weeks.

I read 5 books during tech last week and only one this week. Not because the time hasn't been there; but because I'm burned out on reading. Instead I've been occupying my time napping or browsing the internet on facebook and other time wasters. What I really need to do is write. I have a very strong urge that I should be doing that, but somehow I'm having a hard time getting down to the task. The internet distracts me. I think it's perhaps a good idea that I just go buy a notepad and do it old school - with pen and paper. I really do feel that the internet is an addiction that is just wasting my life and sucking my creative energy (although it does have it's place).

Or maybe, I should find a typewriter. There's not internet on a typewriter...

(Paid) Hours spent at work: 56.5
Total Hours spent on BART: 9
Days of tech: 6
Days I've enjoyed my job: 6
Running time of show: 90 minutes
Light cue number reached so far: 510 (we're only 2/3 of the way through!)
Books read: 5
Trips to library: 2

Satisfaction that quitting my job at CPR was 100% worth it: Priceless

Since getting my Kindle, I've read just about as much as I did when I was younger - which is a lot. But at $9.99/book, things are starting to add up and my bank accounts are going down.

I'd temporarily forgotten the wonders of a library, until today when I decided to go check out the local one and stock up for the next three weeks for my BART commute. I brought home three books and I'm set. Sadly, I can't read them on the kindle, but I don't care.

Here's to three weeks of 10/12s....

To continue where I left off:

I had the CT scan, which is quick, painless, but claustrophobic. You lie, dressed in a bath robe and covered by a warm blanket, on on a table that moves through a giant digital doughnut and are told to hold your breath for 10 seconds by a male robotic voice. I was swept through the machine 4 times, and the whole experience took less than 5 minutes.

I was told that day that I would get the results on Monday, which I never did, but I was miraculously pain-free by Sunday, after popping Advil like it was going out of style and drinking gallons of water all day Friday & Saturday. If my doc was right and it was kidney stones, it seems to have passed without much of a to-do, which is fantastic.

It turns out that I do have a UTI (yay for culturing), which sucks, but at least I know that I'm not completely out of whack with my body, and I'll be checking in with the doc to get on some antibiotics tomorrow. I'm also going to 'hopefully' find out the results of the scan (which was now more than 10 days ago, and they didn't know the results last Tuesday) because dammit, if I'm going to be paying anything out of pocket for it, I want to know the results regardless!

Today, I'm sitting in a dark booth with the temperature set to 50 degrees, huddled under a blanket, (while the day is beautifully sunny and warm outside!) running lights for a Jewish Film Festival at Berkeley Rep. It's an easy gig - I sit for 5 hours in the cold, turn the house lights on and off at the right times and read a book or update my LJ in the meantime.

I've been offered to work follow-spot for "American Idiot", the new Green Day musical at Berkeley Rep. I'm excited as I can do it, which is almost pathetic that my schedule was almost completely open though mid-November (which is the end of their possible expansion, and would not at all surprise me if it extended). The downside is that it's 3 weeks straight of 10/12s (ugh - with a total of 2 1/2hr Bart commute tacked on) and that once it opens I'm running 8 shows a week for almost two months straight. It's a guaranteed 32 hrs/week once it hits performances, but the downside is that it's only 32 hrs and taking every evening for two months limits me to other work and pretty much guarantees that I'll only see Jim for 5 minutes just before I collapse in bed to go to sleep. The upside is that it is guaranteed work and I haven't run a spot for such a long time, it will be fun to do it again, and I should get to meet a whole bunch of cool people who I only briefly know right now in passing.

Ooh, 5 minute warning for me to turn up the house lights, I should go.

I woke up this morning with a throbbing pain in my lower back, and a fever - a good indication right there of a kidney infection. :(

I've had the pain for a few days but was ignoring it figured I'd just slept funny. Today with the sweats and the chills I couldn't ignore it. Sadly, my insurance card hadn't shown up in the mail and I wasn't 100% sure what to do about that. I had Jim to go talk to HR (since I got added to his insurance when I quit my job) and find out what's up.

Turns out the paperwork we filled out at the end of June before I quit, was not actually filed until July 16 and wouldn't be in effect until Aug 1st. This was no good. After many phone calls from both Jim and HR, they got someone at Blue Cross to change the effective date till July 1st and get me in the system so I could go to the doctor. Thank God.

The nurse taking my vitals was clearly an intern. He had four things to check - height, weight, blood pressure & temperature. He forgot to take my temperature until much later (kind of an important one when dealing with a kidney infection) and was very freaked out my by high blood Pressure (147/101) - which is ALWAYS high at the doctor, scarily so, but my regular doc and I have had me checking it on my own time to see if it's just not a case of "white coat syndrome" as she likes to phrase it. And my blood pressure at home is a little high, but basically normal. Anyway, the "intern" took me into the room and insisted on taking my blood pressure again. Only it took him a few minutes to figure out how to get the cuff on. Then he realized he needed a stethoscope. Rummaging through the cabinets in the room didn't give him one, so he dashed out the door to borrow one from a doctor. When he returned he didn't seem like he knew exactly what to do with it. He put it on the crook of my elbow, like he's supposed to but didn't squeeze the cuff. Then he put it on my wrist. Then he put it on HIS wrist. When he finally squeezed the cuff the made it so tight, I thought my arm was about to fall off and no doubt that shot my blood pressure back up. He then asked me why my pressure is so high when I go to the doctor and I responded that it was because everytime I came to the doctor I was uneasy and stressed because I WAS SICK!

When the doctor finally came in, he said that he didn't detect a kidney infection in my urine sample and that he has a feeling that I may have kidney stones. Oh crap. He told me he wasn't going to give me antibiotics (which I was expecting) that he was going to try something "different". His solution was ibuprofen and vicadin. He then referred me to the hospital to have a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis - for which I have an appointment now for tomorrow morning.

I hate going to the doctor and then discovering that they don't really know what's wrong with me. If it wasn't for the stabbing pain in the back, I'd be doubting myself. I'm wondering what the scans will show up tomorrow - hopefully something that will give an answer so I can deal with this discomfort. Although if it really is Kidney Stones, I may just be S.O.L.

Until tomorrow.

I put a few things on craigslist on Sunday to clear out my garage some.

I managed to sell two items, a chair mat & an office chair, one at a time.

The gentlemen who bought the chair brightened my day.

Firstly, he called me on the phone to inquire about the chair. I could tell he was probably in his mid-70s and that even though I was giving him directions to my house, he was going to get lost, especially since he never really let me finish giving them to him. He asked politely if he could call if he got lost, and I said that was fine.

20 minutes later I get a phone call. He got off the freeway where he thought he should get off, not where I told him, so he was much further away from my house than he should have been. I gave him directions to get to the next turn and he said he'd call back. He called again right before the next turn and told me where he was. He explained what was on his left and his right so I knew which direction he was heading. I told him, turn right at the light. He said, "OK, turning right". I said he should see some train tracks, he said he didn't. He had turned left. So now I had to get him turned around fearing that he didn't know his left from his right and that this was going to be very confusing. This time he just kept me on the phone the whole time so I could tell him step by step (literally each street and each landmark he was going to pass on the way) the way. I was on the phone with him for nearly 10 minutes, and while he was waiting at red lights he asked me about college and what I majored in, etc. I mentioned I majored in radio & television but now I wasn't doing either.

When he pulled up to my house, I thought he was adorable. I ran off to get the chair and he started following to suddenly stop half way and say "oops, let me get my wallet." So, I wheeled the chair down the driveway and he took a look at it briefly and handed me the $20 I had asked for it. Then the two of us had a entertaining time trying to get the office chair into his tiny car.

Afterwards, he just stood there next to his car chatting with me. He said he used to be a salesman. He showed me the photo of his daughter in his wallet. He also showed me a picture of a box of "Pride" (laundry detergent??) and a bottle of "Joy" dish soap and informed that he always carries around his Pride & Joy.

Then he asked me if I was selling anything else. I said nothing else I was selling would fit into his car and he chuckled. I had this overwhelming feeling that he was going to get home and his wife or daughter was going to ask him why on earth he bought an office chair, and that his place was probably filled with random nik-naks that he picked up from people on craigslist on weekends.

Just before he left he told me to go fight for my dreams and to go after what I want.

That man made my day.

A sign I a) watch too much tv or b) technology is overwhelming:

I sat down on the couch to watch tv with my lunch. I had the patio door open and a flock of birds that live in one of the trees in my backyard were squawking quite loudly.
Unconsciously, I picked up the tv remote and tried to mute the birds.

Then I realized what I was doing.

My first week of my voluntary unemployment was insane. Between theatreworks load in and all the other work I grabbed onto, I think I pulled in over 80 hours of work. Sadly, I really only got paid for half of since I'm on Salary at TW, but still. Phew.

This week, not so good. I had 4 hours of work on Monday and then nothing except TW. Yesterday was my first day off in weeks, so I reveled in it. I slept till 11am, made myself fried eggs for breakfast (something I haven't had time to do in so long) and then took my laptop with me and walked to the nearby Borders and sat and wrote. I've decided with my potential increase of free time, I'm going to start working on what I went to college for: writing. Everyone who ever read my stuff in school seemed to think I had potential and I always got A's and even had a one-on-one class to write a feature length adaptation. Maybe this will come to nothing, but maybe not. But it will definitely come to nothing if I don't try. And it's about time I tried.

Today though, I resubmitted my resume to local 16, I'm thinking about going down in person to local 134 (not sure I can work for either 16 or 134 since I live in 107's territory) but I figure it can't hurt. Local 134 should be easier to get into and they have more enjoyable venues to work at, unlike 107.

And I need to find some more companies to cold call asking for work.

The plus side of all this insanity on my part is that I'm so much more relaxed and happier than I've been in a long time, so I have no regrets.

*This post is purely my random thought process, in no particular order, just flowing onto the page.*

Tomorrow is my last day at Classic. Part of me is very excited to be moving on and keeping my life moving forward, and part of me is wondering if I'm making a good decision and dreading tomorrow because I know I'm going to break down and cry at some point. Tomorrow evening I'm planning on getting very, very drunk. I'm going to miss some of my coworkers immensely.

I'm happy to be leaving a world of repetitiveness but I found myself almost sad when everyone was talking about jobs for next week and shows they're going to do and I will no longer be a part of it. The fact that I'm feeling melancholy is pulling me in a depressive state, making me question whether or not I'm doing the right thing, and it brings back that old adage of "What am I doing with my life?"

When I picture my immediate future, I picture myself going out and hanging lights, programming the board, but also having more time at home so I can sit in the backyard, my feet up on the patio table in the sunshine, just writing. I need to start writing. I've dreamed about it far too long and not really done much about it. However, dreaming doesn't produce results, now does it? My greatest fear right now is that when it comes down to reality, my free time is going to be spent sitting on the couch watching tv, or reading a book, or cleaning the house - the three things I seem to do the most, and none of them particularly satisfying (ok, reading can be, I take that back). My days pass without anything exciting to speak of.

My hopefully-no-too-distant future dreams are of me having kids, having the larger yet homey house that I can call my own, and hoping that I can actually stay at home and raise kids, and not have to work at the same time. This, however, seems to be a dream that I don't think is a realistic goal in the bay area, but dreams are funny. The harder they are to attain, the stronger you seem to want them, and the further away they feel. Especially when you have no clue how to reach them. And then there is the constant nagging fear, that once you reach that goal, then what?

I'm babbling and I know it, and it's all circles back to the fact that that I'm an emotional wreck at the moment and I've haven't felt this alone and lost in my own bubble in quite a long time. I feel like I need to have all the answers today. Only time will tell if I'm making mistakes or doing the right thing.

--on a less emotionally driven note --

To go back to my previous post about HR & vacation pay and legal rights, I did look into it, the very next day. The wording is really hard to understand on CA Labor laws, but I'm pretty sure that having vacation pay deducted out of your final paycheck is illegal in CA.

However, I brought the matter to HR and they were as confused over the wording as I was and seemed to think it only applied to exempt employees, and as I am non-exempt, it didn't count. I spent a good deal of my day that day reading and re-reading the law to prove that I was correct (and nowhere in it did I read anything about exempt status) and that I had a case. I even got as far as researching lawyers to go talk to.

Then on my lunch break, I talked to my Dad, who pointed out that, yes, I probably had a just cause for putting up a fight, but putting up this fight would close any doors that would let me freelance or ever return to Classic if I needed to, and was this issue really worth the battle?

I decided to wait until I received my paycheck on Friday to see how many vacation hours I actually owed. The total worked out to be 74.6 hrs, based on me taking two weeks vacation last year (when I should have only had one) and on getting two weeks this year, when I hadn't even paid off last year. HR confirmed that the number was correct and that it would come out of my 80 hr paycheck. Meaning essentially that I was about to receive less than $100 for my final check. I asked if we could work something out (keeping in mind that I could easily bring up legal stuff), like taking 1/2 of what I owe out of my paycheck and billing me for the rest, but she said sorry. I walked out of the HR office and had to hold back the tears.

It occured to me, moments after leaving her office, that I wasn't even going to receive the measly $100. Once my final 401k amount and presumably my health insurance (I'm guessing here) was taken out, I was looking at OWING money before I could walk out the door.

Our HR manager called me into her office today. She informed me that she had called around, talked to the payroll department at the LA office and that they had come to the decision that I owed more than I was making, that they couldn't issue me a paycheck for $0, that they looked at their budget and decided that it wouldn't kill them to suffer the loss and they were going to drop the whole thing, and that my final paycheck would actually be a paycheck, reflecting all 80hrs of work.

I almost jumped across the desk and hugged her. Not only will I be walking out the door with a paycheck in hand tomorrow, but I'm leaving on a good note with the company. It was a really close call though.


**on a funny note**

I'm almost done here - but as I was writing, Jim walked into the room and announced, "I just figured out why it's called a QWERTY keyboard."

I officially quit my job today. I have absolutely nothing lined up. I have contacted a bunch of people to let them know that I am freelancing again and that they should give me work. I've received two phone calls from doing that; both for dates I amazingly enough was unavailable to work. I'm headed into potential financial disaster, and yet, I'm surprisingly upbeat and peppy and have no regrets at all.

My work tells me today that since I took my vacation already this year, that essentially I have to pay it back. Apparently vacation accrues at the END of the year, based on a calendar year. Since I worked for CPR for 18 months, took a 2 week vacation last year, and took a 3 week vacation this year (technically it was 2 paid weeks, 1 unpaid) I had not accrued enough to actually have a vacation this year but they gave it to me anyway. My last two weeks of a paycheck (the two weeks I'm now working) will go directly to paying back the company for the 79 hours of vacation time I owe them. Does this not seem like total bullshit to anyone else? Especially since I was not notified of this deal BEFORE I took the vacation and I filled out all the paperwork and actually got the vacation pay?

Well, it's another reason to be extremely excited about leaving a corporate world and going back to a world in which if I want to take a vacation, I just don't schedule work. It seems much more agreeable to me.

I'm trying to make some changes in my life.

I am sick of my job. I love the occasional days I'm out at an install leading a crew or hanging the lights myself, but I hate being stuck in the office - and most of the time, I'm in the office. BUT all is not lost, I am actively job searching.

I applied for a full-time ME job in Portland, but unfortunately I didn't get it. I'm slightly disappointed but not terribly since it would have meant a HUGE move. The only other LORT theatre I could find offering a full-time position was in Florida, and as much as I would like the job, I don't want to move to Florida.

My current plan is to go back to freelancing until something better turns up. It does mean a slight pay cut, but I think my happiness is infinitely more important. Who needs cable anyway? :P I'm just waiting to see if I can get on Jim's Theatreworks health insurance plan. I know I can, but I'm not sure if there's an open enrollment period that I have to wait for to be added. As much as I hate my job, I just can't go without health insurance. If it turns out I can get added straight away, sayonara Classic Party Rentals.

The planning is over. *phew*

I'm married!

Now on to the rest of my life.... huh. But first the honeymoon. I leave Friday early am. Still don't know where I'm going...

Is it wrong that Jim's "we're going to the moon" theory is starting to sound real? :P

News travels fast, but in case you haven't gotten the word already of this sad news:

Chris Karabats passed away this week. I know no concrete details, but it sounds like he left us yesterday.

He'll be missed immensely.

I'm getting married in a week. I'm not stressed, my to-do list is almost complete and I don't feel guilty about spending time with my family instead of worrying. I've reached the point where there isn't really anything left for me to do except for the day before and day of stuff that I can't do ahead of time.

The only thing I'm wondering is; what have I forgotten?

Everyone thinks I should be bride-zilla, and super stressed and bitchy. I'm not at all. Huh. The week is still young though.

My life at work improved dramatically after I snapped at my boss. It sounds bizarre, but he suddenly turned to me and asked me what was wrong. Was it my life or work? I pointed at the floor and he took me out of the busy office to talk. I spilled the beans that I'd been looking at other avenues and that I was bored silly and therefore was miserable and had lost the ability to care about my work. He took it all in, cheered me up, said ok and that he'd recommend me for anything if I asked him, and that if I do get another job he'd be very sad to lose me. But, he added if I ever wanted my job back I could get it back in an instant. Being that he's actually become my friend as well as my boss it was an amazing relief to get my angst off my chest with him and the two of us went back to work and goofed around, but also got a lot accomplished while having a good time. I needed that so badly. I'm almost sad that he's now gone for the next month on a job down in Pebble Beach while I'm stuck in the office.

Wedding stuff related, I'm chugging along. Had a mild attack of bride-zilla when my sister proceeded to ask me a bunch of questions that I had just answered an email before. It was one of those "doesn't anyone ever bother to read what I've written them anymore" kind of rants. I'm officially at the point now though that my production manager hat is on and I'm figuring out how to coordinate all the details, like truck rentals, rental deliveries and labor for setup & strike. Hehe, it does really feel like I'm just coordinating a show.

This Saturday Jim and I are having our engagement photo shoot and I'm a little behind and freaked out in my planning here. I have to admit, I've been putting it off, but now it's crunch time and I'm worried. For the shoot, my photographer suggested that I have a hair & makeup person come along to do touch up makeup and stuff between sets. Firstly, I never wear makeup anyway so the whole thing is scaring me and making me feel a little uncomfortable, and secondly I'm broke and have to rely on the generosity of a 'girlie' friend who a, is available on Saturday and b, feels comfortable helping me. So far I'm at a loss. Everyone I can think of is busy. And most of my close friends are guys who know nothing about this stuff anyway. I'm sooo in the wrong side of the business. :) Also, to boot it's opening for TW on Saturday and I'm not entirely sure that Jim and I will be done in time to make it, and therefore neither would said 'makeup hero' who could tag along, so that rules out a bunch of people. Go me and my planning. Anyone got any ideas?

In some ways I love my life. Things are falling into place. I have a great guy, living in a great neighborhood, have great friends, the number of which seems to be growing which is always a plus, but I am starting to hate my job. I'm starting to resent people for no reason there. I'm struggling to make it through an 8 hour day without snapping at someone (my boss usually) and having a hard time actually making it to hour 8 without convincing myself that I should just go home early... again. It probably wouldn't be such a big deal, except that I'm an hourly employee.

My job at Classic seemed to hold many prospects when I started. Event lighting sounded like fun; and it is - it's just slow. We spend all year 'gearing up for the busy season' the hype as it turned out was better than the result. We got really crazy busy for about 3 months, and then slow again for the other 9. I'm not sure how much longer I can continue with the busy work for until the busy season rolls around again in about 3 months.

I'm beginning to feel at my wits end and that is never a good thing. My favorite of my two jobs is TheatreWorks, hands down, but even that one I'm growing increasingly frustrated in because I have a competent assistant. (No, that was not a typo) Too competent in some ways; I am getting more frequently left out of the loop and cc'ed on his answers when I never heard the question. He handles a lot of problems himself, which in many ways is great, but in other ways, he likes to make a mountain out of mole hill and it makes me look like I'm an idiot (well, maybe not, but that's how I feel) when he rambles on with long answers and worries to things that are not a big deal and non-issues in the first place. In that sense he is not competent. But either way, I HATE being left out of the loop, I'd rather be there than at my day job and the whole thing is just making me feel icky. I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm in neither place I want to be.

Now I'm not just rambling and bitching with no plan here, or rather, I have a plan but I have no idea if it's going to work. I've got my feelers out, I'm looking for other opportunities but things always move slowly and the whole recession thing coupled with my upcoming wedding in 8 weeks makes me feel like I'm dancing on a tightrope. One wrong move and my world could come crumbling down financially - and boy that would suck.

I've been thinking more and more if my plans don't succeed that I need to move out of the bay area. A whole different state perhaps. I've always fancied New England, cold weather and all - at least for a short while to see how life goes on over there. The only downside is, is it's no longer as easy to just get up and change lives and move willy nilly as it once would have been. I've got Jim to think about. He says repeatedly he'd be up for a change, but finding a reputable theatre company that would hire both a ME and a TD at the same time, full time, seems like a pipe dream.

I really don't know what I want to do... but I'm stuck. And I'm trying desperately to find out a way out of my stuck-ness.

I worked a call at Zellerbach in Berkeley today and was reminded why I quit doing electrics calls full-time. Dumb-ass electricians.

Now, I used to be a dumb-ass electrician, so I get it, to an extent. I used to be the eager thought-I-knew-a-lot-but-turns-out-I-didn't kind of electrician who was super excited to be at work. Now, I look at those people and think, "GAH! Why can't I be working with people who know what the HELL they're doing?"

The problem is, the people who know what the hell they're doing either joined the union, or said "screw this" and got full-times jobs in either a related or completely different industry. I am one of those people. But the kicker is, is that once you do theatre, it gets in your blood and it's almost imposible to quit. I love doing it, but I get so frustrated now and so easily too when I'm working with people who need to be babysat.

I have to say though, at Theatreworks, I still have to babysit people, but it's different. I know I'm going to be doing that; and it's my job to make sure things go smoothly and to show anyone who doesn't know how to do something how to do it. And I like that. I think I'm good at it. People seem to like working there and with me and the same people stick around for a long time.

When I take outside electrics calls, I do it for fun now. I want to get my hands dirty and have a good time with the crew, and it seems to happen less and less - especially when I'm working in Berkeley, or on rock n' roll shows.

I did however, get to supervise a union crew at Treasure Island, thru Classic, on Friday (and again tomorrow) and I was given three guys who were super cool and knew their shit. I bonded with those guys, they hauled ass, did the job quickly and well and it was a really great day which restored my faith. It actually, briefly, made me wonder why I wasn't in the union and why I didn't follow that path - until talking to one of them who was excited he just got a props job for Phantom and that he has work lined up for three solids months, and then I remembered. That kind of lifestyle gets exhausting after a while, even though I was pretty damn good at getting the jobs and the money.

Anyway, for those who care, now I'm done with my rant, here are a couple of phrases I heard today while at work that just made me want to go pat the rookie electrician on the head and tell them they were cute...

"What kind of board are they using? Oh, an obsession (it was an expression) - hmm, well I guess that's ok."

Same guy later, in a derogatory tone, "Wow, a 4 minute cue? Who would make a 4 minute cue?"

A different chick, "I'm afraid of falling. No, no, I'm not afraid of heights, I'll go up at high as I need to, but if I don't feel safe, then I can't do it. I'm afraid of falling." - um...isn't that just about the same thing?



I don't even know why I get so frustrated, and I wish I didn't. Did my ego just get huge all of a sudden? Why do I not have fun at other places anymore? Maybe I just stopped trying to prove that I knew what I was doing, and I just do it now. Or maybe I've just been in a supervisor role too long and I notice everything. Either way, I wish I didn't feel this way.